I made chili last night. I’d never made it before, but I was craving it and my dad was six hours away. I also needed to clean out my fridge, so I decided to combine the activities. What resulted was a great recipe!

Ingredients:

1. Make 1 can of Campbell’s Original Tomato Soup. Eat two-thirds of it.
2. Make some seafood penne with your mother-in-law’s amazing marinara. Save about 15 pieces of penne.
3. Buy an onion for another recipe and forget about it for about two weeks.
4. Remember you have ten pieces of leftover jumbo shrimp in the freezer. Thaw them out by running cold water over it.
5. Decide to use a couple few tablespoons of mustard, just because you think it might be interesting.
6. Use chili powder from a packet that you bought when you were living three states away.
7. Add some chives because you think the chili needs something green. Don’t buy fresh. Just use the dried up things in your spice rack.
8. Also add some celery salt. Again, I don’t know why, but I’ve heard people use celery salt and I don’t know why. This seems as good of a time as any.
9. Use cayenne pepper. It’s chili, and it’s supposed to be hot. Make sure you take your Prilosec.
10. Garlic. Your wife is Italian and so you put garlic in everything.
11. One pound of hamburger. You’re making chili. You need a pound of hamburger. Duh.
12. Two cups of shredded sharp cheddar because you must put cheese on everything

Directions:
Brown the hamburger with a quarter of the onion finely chopped and a few shakes of the minced garlic container. Mix in the chili powder packet. Add the leftover tomato soup and the penne. Put the used dishes in the dishwasher so they don’t take up room in your tiny kitchen. Add celery salt, cayenne pepper, and chives. Squeeze the mustard bottle for about five seconds, directly into the pot. Stir it up. Remember your wife doesn’t like mustard and hope for the best. Sprinkle in one cup of the cheese and stir it until it’s all melted. Take two bowls. Place five pieces of the jumbo shrimp (it’s already cooked) in the bottom of each bowl. Then, take them back out and remove the tails. Then put them back in the bowls. Don’t cheat and give yourself six and your spouse four. That would be mean. Pour the chili over the top. Add more cheese on the top and some crackers if you want. Eat!